


A Tale of Two Elves Somewhere They Shouldn't Be

by mothicalcreatures (laelreenia)



Series: Adventure Zone/Silmarillion Crossover Shit [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Crack, Elves of two very different flavors, Gen, I have no excuse for this, utter crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 18:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15273144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laelreenia/pseuds/mothicalcreatures
Summary: Taako and Lup just completely derail the plot of the Silmarillion, kind of for the better, cause like, they stop two entire kinslayings from happening, but like... they're also who they are as people.





	A Tale of Two Elves Somewhere They Shouldn't Be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Murf1307](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Murf1307/gifts).



> I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. But since you're here, please enjoy.

Maedhros sat and stared incredulously at the two elves in front of him. “I’m sorry you did _what?_ ”

“Well, first off, let’s start with a “Thank you,” cause we stole your shiny rocks back from tall dark and stinky,” Taako said.

“We were gonna keep them for ourselves,” Lup added. “But then we heard that they were already your rocks that had been stolen by Mr. Grimdark and his crew.”

“And contrary to popular belief we do have morals when it comes to stealing, like don’t steal from banks.”

“And people not of the Greg Grimaldis variety, which this dude totes seemed like he was. Was this guy, like, your personal Greg Grimaldis?”

Maedhros held up a hand in an attempt to silence them, “While I admire your… courage… in stealing the Simarils back from Morgoth. I must know, was he destroyed?”

“Oh god no, we weren’t about to take on tall dark and stinky on our own, we just wanted to rob him blind and set some nasty goblins on fire,” Lup said.

“Yeah, it was some real fantasy _Lord of the Rings_ shit up in there. So we just set every thing on fire except for this one hot dude who I tentacled the fuck out of.” Taako pulled his fanny pack around so he could open it and pull out the Silmarils. “So do you want these bad boys back or what?”

Maedhros could barely find the words to say what he needed too, he was so flummoxed by what these two elves, though they were unlike any elves he’d met, were saying. “I do very much want the Silmarils returned,” he said, after a moments pause, ignoring most of what had been said. 

“Right,” Lup said, cutting Maedhros off before he could say anything else. “We do want payment though, like I cannot stress that enough, we want some shinies in return for these shinies.”

“Anything you desire,” Maedhros said.

“We’re really not picky, just like a lot of jewels would be great, maybe some gold,” Taako added.

“Oh, and that dog, what was his name?” Lup tapped her chin faux-thoughtfully. “Horny? Hungry?”

“Are you referring to Huan?” Maedhros asked.

“That’s it,” Lup said. “Our friend Magnus just loves dogs and Humperdink is like the best dog we’ve seen.”

“I cannot concede to that,” Maedhros said. “Jewels yes, I will have my vault opened and you can choose at your leisure, but Huan belongs to my brother Celegorm and I cannot speak for him.”

Maedhros did not think Celegorm would concede easily to parting with Huan, but for the Silmarils? Perhaps.

“That’s fine,” Taako said. “Magnus isn’t picky about his dogs.”

“Oh yeah, no he’s mostly attracted to number of dogs,” Lup agreed. “He had to go a long time without any dogs cause there are no dogs allowed on the moon.”

“No dogs…” Maedhros closed his eyes and sighed. Half of what these elves were saying just made no sense what-so-ever. “I will speak with Celegorm, he will surely have a hound suitable for your friend.”

“Peachy,” Taako said, walking up and holding the Silmarils out to Maedhros.

This felt entirely too easy, as if the moment Maedhros touched them, the Silmarils would just disappear. But as he extended his hand to take them, they didn’t.

“Cool,” Lup said, as soon as Maedhros had the three Silmarils in his hand. “Exchange part one is done, now show us these sweet sweet gemstones you promised.”


End file.
